Training Wheels
by HawkofNavarre
Summary: Learning to drive is a family affair for the Wright Anything Agency. For Phoenix, this simply means hoping he's not the first to die.


**Authors' Note:** I can't believe I finally get to post this. In December 2013, I started writing this after a really hilarious conversation with my friend and fellow writer **Irradiance** , discussing how funny it would be to see the WAA lawyers learn to drive. We finally finished it in January 2018. It's also safe to say that neither of us ever expected this thing to get so long. Just as a side note, for anyone who's read my other one-shot _Third Wheel_ , these aren't related in the slighted. I guess I just love titles with the word "wheel" in them?

I realize this is posted to my pool of works, so if you enjoy the fic, please also check out **Irradiance** 's profile on FFnet or AO3. Currently, she mainly dabbles in AssClass fics, if that's your cup of tea.

This was co-written by **Irradiance** and myself, and as such, what follows is copious amounts of lawyerly stupidity. Because it was started forever ago, **the events of this story take place following Dual Destinies.**

* * *

 ** _Training Wheels_ **

by HawkofNavarre and Irradiance

* * *

His life had always been run by women. From his "love" with Dahlia to the moment he had adopted Trucy, Phoenix knew that his life was run by women. He knew it when he'd hired Athena with her... _enthusiastic_...personality and he knew it whenever he reflected on the mischievous smile of his former assistant. Looking back, he didn't regret ever inviting them into his life-they had steered him well in his journey and he couldn't possibly imagine not meeting one of them-but there were always times where they terrified him.

This time was no exception.

Trucy would forever be the sweetest girl, but he also knew her well enough to know when she really wanted something. She would grow a little quieter, though her smile remained bright, and have that distant, longing expression on her face. Half the time, the situation ended up with Phoenix feeling horribly guilty because he couldn't give her what she wanted due to lack of funds or unrealistic expectations (because his daughter's mind was a little out there sometimes), and the other half of the time, he was exposed to some sort of embarrassment getting her what he wanted. At the very least, it was worth it in the long run to see her happy, but that didn't mean he couldn't be completely petrified of her request, right?

So of course, he began sweating profusely when she finally decided to approach him, a hint of a pout on her lips as she hopped onto his chaotic mess of a desk.

"Daddy..."

Well, the holidays were getting closer. Maybe she just wanted to tell him what she wanted as a gift this year.

"You know, I think I should learn how to drive."

...Drive?

"Uh..." Phoenix decided that his sweat glands had had the right idea in the first place. Oh god, his daughter wanted to learn how to drive? He didn't have a clue how to drive himself! He'd been too busy learning how to be lawyerly as a teenager to learn how to drive. Plus, he really liked his bike! It was a nice royal blue with squishy handlebars and had a whole 30 gears!

In any case, this was pretty shameful, especially considering that Trucy knew very well that he couldn't drive. He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do about this.

 _I can't even say I need to clean the toilet. Apollo did a really good job of cleaning it yesterday... I swear, I can see my reflection in the porcelain._

Getting out of this wasn't going to be easy, but in his long career—okay, maybe _years of experience_ was a better way to put it - as a defense attorney, he was the King of Bluffing. What outrageous stall tactic hadn't he used before? How many times had he stopped the judge from ending his trials prematurely? Maybe he could persuade Trucy out of this one for now… Somehow.

"You...uh, wanna learn how to drive?" Phoenix laughed nervously, trying to stay composed even though beads of sweat were dabbling both his face and the back of his neck. "Why so suddenly?"

"Well, I think it would be useful if at least one of us knew how to drive..." Trucy had her arms crossed, looking off to the side thoughtfully. This sent Phoenix into a further panic and he suddenly felt like cleaning up his desk, the top of which he hadn't seen in...God knows how long.

 _Maybe I ought to get Athena or Apollo to clean up my desk one of these days, not just the toilet..._

"There's no need to rush," he told her, all the while fumbling as he piled up all the forgotten, half-filled out forms on what looked like a photocopier threw up on his desk. "I mean, you only just turned sixteen this year."

"But it would be so much quicker to get around the city," she reasoned, an increasing amount of enthusiasm in her voice. "Just think of all the time we could save while investigating, or those extra ten minutes of sleep we could get if I could drive to school or to the office!"

Oh no, Trucy was serious. She was pulling out all the stops for this one.

"I'm not against you learning how to drive, but driving lessons don't come cheap, Trucy."

"But I've been saving up just like you taught me when I was younger, Daddy," the brunette answered astutely, a grin on her face now.

Phoenix tugged at the collar of his shirt, feeling the imaginary noose around his neck tighten. Maybe all those years of barely making the rent really had paid off, seeing how sensible Trucy had become, but this situation was all too familiar. Like a bad trial where his theory saved him and his client by the skin of his teeth at first, until later in the trial when he'd have to eat his own words, and naturally, Edgeworth would be there to point out how Phoenix had a penchant for digging his own grave.

"B-But we don't even have a car," he stuttered. "And we've been doing just fine without one for the last eight years."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Phoenix knew this day was coming, but he wasn't prepared for the...magnitude…of it. Maybe he should've tried getting his driver's license somewhere during those seven years away from lawyering. Suddenly, he thought of Maya and how she'd teased him for not having a license all those years ago. She'd have a field day with this, watching him squirm and knowing he still couldn't drive.

"Come on, Daddy. Don't you think it'd make life a lot easier?"

If only Apollo hadn't cleaned the toilet so well, he could've avoided this…

 _Wait, Apollo?_

"But we get around town just fine without cars, isn't that right, Apollo?"

"Huh? You're asking _me_?"

Sitting at his desk was his red vested protégé, reading over an old case file. Apollo would sometimes actually take out some of the dusty old legal books that aligned themselves in the shelves of the office, and when he wasn't doing that he was either cleaning the toilet (as instructed by Phoenix), or, doing what Trucy told him to do, like getting the morning paper, or watering Charley. Even during downtimes at the Agency, Athena reigned supreme over the TV and Apollo was stuck in an endless cycle of the Swashbuckler Spectacular reruns.

Considering Athena practically dragged him along during their investigations, maybe Apollo was a kindred spirit. Just like Phoenix, Apollo seemed like a man whose life was strung along by women.

And oh boy, even if Apollo was completely ignorant to the fact that Trucy was his younger sibling, Phoenix wasn't going to let him get out of big brother duty that easily.

"That's right. You don't have your license, do you?" the boss asked the louder third of his team. To his satisfaction, Apollo's hair seemed to droop slightly at the question, his face growing red to match the rest of his ensemble.

"I, uh, no… But look! I have an attorney's badge!"

Trucy sighed despondently. "It seems like there are more people with attorney badges than people with driver's licenses these days. I wonder if they pass them out on the streets."

Phoenix simply stared at his daughter, jaw opened and feeling mildly offended while Apollo protested vehemently. "H-hey! It's nowhere near that easy to pass the bar exam!"

"Then how come you didn't learn to drive?" the young magician questioned him looking genuinely curious. "I mean, I can understand why daddy didn't want to. He already can't play piano because his coordination is so bad, but what's your reason, Apollo?"

He would've been insulted had her comment not been true, and then there was the amusing look on Apollo's face, stuck somewhere between being suffocated and the realization that he was being buried alive. Trucy did make a good point, nonetheless. Apollo was a good ten years younger than he was. It was difficult to teach an old dog new tricks, but nobody had ever said anything about youthful rhinos.

Still, it was a little cruel to subject his protégé to this kind of torture. He'd only meant to share his suffering a little, not turn Apollo into something akin to a rotting tomato.

"Uh, you okay, Apollo?" Phoenix asked the younger male in concern.

"I'M FINE!" he screeched in reply. "I always got around just fine on my bike! I only needed to get to the Space Center, Mr. Gavin's office, and this place!"

Before Phoenix could tell his boisterous apprentice to use his indoor voice, there was an unceremonious _thud_ from beyond the couch, followed by a string of groans. Phoenix and Apollo peered over to see Athena picking herself up off the floor behind the coffee table, a bunch of playing cards littered around her. The usually cheery rookie blanched when she realized there were two pairs of eyes watching her.

Apollo had a crooked smile on his face. "Oh, is nap time over already?"

"Oh, m-morning, Boss!" the teenager greeted, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face and hastily gathering the slew of cards. "Just, uh, playing fifty-two pickup, you know?"

"It's the middle of the afternoon, Athena," her senior co-worker corrected flatly, arms crossed.

Well, it wasn't the first time they'd caught Athena sleeping on the job, but that didn't stop her from coming up with more, uh, _creative_ excuses, like that time she decided that her desk was the defense's bench and she was doing "mental image training" for courtroom exercises, or last week when she woke up in a tizzy, shouting something about orange juice.

"Apollo, remember to use your indoor voice in the office, okay?" Phoenix suggested, not wanting to re-live another unforeseen Athena wake-up call.

The younger attorney laughed sheepishly as Athena dropped all the cards in her hands and gave her partner the evil eye.

 _W-wait, but what about fifty-two pickup?_

"What, so it _was_ you, Apollo!" she frowned, rising from off the floor like a tiger lunging at its prey. There it was, he'd woken the sleeping tiger.

Phoenix put a hand on each of their shoulders now. "Whoa now, you two. Not so loud. We don't want the neighbours complaining again."

Yeah… That wasn't pleasant. Trucy thought the landlord had called the police on them because they didn't pay the rent.

"Athena, Daddy and Polly might be lost causes—" and the two aforementioned lawyers felt their shoulders sag at Trucy's remorseless jab, "—but don't tell me you bike to work, too."

Athena flashed her a wide grin. "Of course not! Bikes are for wimps! Oh, no offense, Boss."

"N-None taken…" _I think…_

"Aren't you an apology short, Athena?" rasped Apollo.

Like being punched in the gut by your teenage daughter or sister wasn't enough, having the new kid at the office kick you while you were down was nothing short of insulting. Phoenix and Apollo clamped their mouths shut, speechless. The snark was not working today, apparently, and they could only sweat nervously on the sidelines as Trucy beamed at this encouraging development.

"Anyway, I don't need a bike."

Trucy's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, kind of like when Phoenix got Apollo to buy her a new magic prop from the magic store, much to his dismay. Speaking of dismay, that was akin to the sensation he got when he felt his wallet get lighter.

"Oh, I knew you were different from Daddy and Polly!"

"Not when I jog to work every day!"

Phoenix was uncertain whether the situation was getting better or worse, especially considering how the temperature in the air around Trucy had somehow dropped below zero. Apollo was cutting his losses and keeping his mouth shut, though he felt rather gratified that Athena's mode of transportation was a lot less fancy than his.

Athena, on the other hand, seemed unperturbed (or completely oblivious) to the various looks she was getting. Her eyes bright, she placed her hands on her hips, expression proud. "Apollo may have his Chords of Steel, but I've got Thighs of Steel!" She struck a dramatic pose, her objection-stance directed at the TV. "Beware, treacherous Nostache! For I, Athena, queen of speed, the magnificent Road Runner, will mow you down!"

The two males had mirroring thoughts. _Thank god Athena never learned how to drive…_

Phoenix cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, let's talk about getting you a bike, Trucy…"

"Hold it!" Athena shouted in protest, crossing her arms. "What about jogging? It really helps keep those pounds off!"

"I hardly think Trucy needs to shave off any pounds," Apollo interjected. He was fully on Team Bike in this argument.

"I said it helps keep them off!" she stated, undeterred. If there was one thing she refused to do, it was lose in a battle against her senior. She moved forward and poked his side aggressively, Apollo yelping and jumping away in response. "Looks like _you_ could use some pound-shaving though."

"W-what do you think you're doing?" her partner demanded, voice shrill.

Athena then took off on a long speech about how physical health was just as important as mental health while relentlessly poking at Apollo's torso. In turn, Apollo took off around the room, yelling at her to stop while she chased him and continued her lecture. Phoenix simply watched them in exasperation as they knocked over files, random papers, and several of his daughter's magic props.

 _Am I running a law office or a daycare?_

"I have an idea, Daddy," Trucy interrupted his self-pitying train of thought.

He turned his gaze on her with sad eyes, fervently hoping that her idea was to get a bike for her, or even to have noodles at Eldoon's for lunch today if her mind had gone elsewhere.

"Since none of us know how to drive, why don't we all learn together?"

No such luck.

"Trucy…"

"Please, Daddy? It'll be so much fun!" She asked him with those shimmering, innocent eyes he was helpless against. It was rare that she used them on him and she hardly ever asked for something for herself. She worked for her own money and had always kept him afloat when he felt like giving up all those days without his badge.

...How was he supposed to say no?

Without another word, Phoenix picked up the receiver on his desk, dialing a number he knew well. After a few rings, the line connected and the legendary lawyer sealed his fate. "Edgeworth? Hey, I need a favour."

* * *

"You weren't going to stop until you took us down with you. Am I right?" Apollo muttered quietly at his mentor while the Chief Prosecutor rattled off the rules of the road. Athena and Trucy looked absolutely entranced by the lesson at hand while he and Phoenix slowly wasted away staring at Edgeworth's gorgeous maroon death trap.

Flaming death contraptions aside, he just couldn't deny Trucy's request, especially when she made those wide, lucent eyes at him. What kind of a father would he be if he dashed her hopes like that? No, Phoenix was going to be a good father, even if it meant he might be stuffed into a bloody vehicle on the highway to hell.

Besides, Edgeworth told Phoenix he owed him a favour after helping to acquit Prosecutor Blackquill, so he figured asking for some free driving lessons wouldn't be too tall of a task, right? Granted, when he told the esteemed Chief Prosecutor that he wanted him to teach all the members of the Wright Anything Agency how to drive, the freshly reinstated attorney was met with a beat and a subsequent hangup, forcing Phoenix to call him back.

" _What kind of joke is this, Wright?"_

" _It's not a joke. Edgeworth, you and I both know I've done crazier things before. Just think of it as returning the favour."_

And with that, Edgeworth conceded. ...Begrudgingly, of course.

"It can't be that bad, Apollo," Phoenix assured, though, really, he was speaking for the both of them. He was starting to lose sense of who was the bigger pessimist here. "Maybe it'll be lots of fun, just like Trucy said."

"Mr. Wright…" Apollo looked pensive, a sombre look on his face. "You're just bluffing again, aren't you?"

 _Ack! How'd he know?!_

At Phoenix's silence, Apollo sighed. "Yeah. Vintage Phoenix Wright."

Was his M.O. too obvious? Phoenix would bet anything that both Apollo and Athena had bluffed in court on more than one occasion, so how come he was always the one who got the brunt of the wry jokes for it? Unspoken cries of protest were lost in the pit of his stomach and without even giving Phoenix a chance to deflect Apollo clear of his lawyering strategy, he was interrupted when a low, almost exasperated voice cut in abruptly.

"Wright, are you and Mr. Justice even listening?" Edgeworth's voice was sharp and steely, just like a blade. "I'm not going to repeat myself."

"Ah, yeah, we're listening, we're listening."

 _I don't remember being such a stick in the mud when you asked me for a favour, though, Edgeworth._

Phoenix could only offer a good-natured, albeit shaky smile in return, though, asking his old friend to continue with the lecture. He hadn't heard anything the burgundy-suited prosecutor had said for the past five minutes because he was too worried about being put into the driver's seat even though there were two more than willing volunteers ahead in the queue in Trucy and Athena to take the wheel.

Apollo, at least, seemed truly apologetic. That, or he was slightly afraid of offending the Chief Prosecutor. "Sorry Mr. Edgeworth."

"Yeah, you'd better listen or we're gonna leave you in the dust at this rate, Apollo," smirked Athena, nudging his side with her elbow. "We'll be barreling down the highway while you're still pedaling on your tricycle!"

"It's a _bi_ cycle. A bike, as in _two_ wheels," her red-suited partner protested. Apollo could've sworn she had knives for elbows because hers was jabbing him harder than necessary, almost like it was deliberate, and she wasn't trying to hide it either. If only she was as unreserved about dozing off in the office as she was about making him the butt of her jokes. Knowing Athena though, that wasn't happening any time soon, if ever. "And anyway, what you're saying sounds like a road accident waiting to happen."

He could picture Athena speeding down the avenue and laughing like a maniac all too well. Frankly, it horrified him to an extent because it seemed at least half plausible and the possibility was enough to leave him apprehensive about this alleged "fun for the whole family" driving session, so sorry if he had about as much enthusiasm as a prisoner on death row.

Then again, that never stopped Prosecutor Blackquill from turning the courtroom into his personal playhouse, even when he was a (wrongly) convicted prison inmate.

"I suppose for those of you who were _listening—_ " Edgeworth shot the two male defense attorneys a withering glare, "—that this information should prove sufficient for your first lesson."

Apollo gulped, feeling a bead of perspiration run down his brow. Oh god, this was happening. This was actually going to happen.

"First we'll just practice some simple steering. Is there someone who would like to go first?" the prosecutor asked, looking highly unimpressed as his eyes swept over the cowering form of his old friend and said friend's first protégé.

"Ooh, me! Me!" Athena shouted eagerly, hopping restlessly from one foot to the other.

"Er, why doesn't Trucy go first? This was all her idea, after all," Phoenix suggested nervously.

"I'd love to go first! Thanks, Daddy!" And without another word, Trucy basically flew into the driver's seat of Edgeworth's car while Athena pouted.

"Alright, but dibs on second! Man, I'm so pumped! I'm gonna go for a quick run before my turn!" the youngest attorney proclaimed, breaking out into a sprint and leaving a small trail of dust behind her.

"..."

"..."

"Mr. Wright, did you just not want to go first?" Apollo asked.

"Apollo, sometimes there are more important things in life than saving your own skin-like for example, making sure Athena doesn't wreck Edgeworth's car before my daughter gets her turn in it."

Well, that was thoughtful. At least Trucy was still more important to the man than the prospect of being murdered by the Chief Prosecutor when- _when-_ his vehicle was smashed into scrap metal.

 _But he must have car insurance, right? I mean, this is Mr. Edgeworth we're talking about here._

The two males stood quietly, watching the car move slowly around the large parking lot that had been the location designated for their first lesson. Both of them were actually rather shocked by how nicely the car was manoeuvring. Perhaps it wouldn't be quite as difficult as they'd originally thought.

The thought left Apollo slightly more optimistic while Phoenix swiftly retracted his own, remembering that Trucy didn't get her genes from him. Trucy was far more coordinated than both of them in all aspects, and Phoenix wasn't going to fool himself into thinking otherwise. Being able to play "Chopsticks" on the piano wasn't going to change that.

"...We can't crash in an empty parking lot, can we?" Apollo asked slowly, though his tone really begged for reassurance more than anything.

Phoenix couldn't understand how he could possibly offer the young man words of consolation when he was already feeling completely uncertain of this entire situation himself. Besides, Apollo had already accused him of bluffing; what was the point of continuing that charade when he'd already been found out? Maybe he'd just trained this kid too well.

"You never know. I've heard about brakes jamming before," the elder attorney sighed, images of horrible crashes flashing through his mind. Cars were unreliable and it was difficult to figure out anything beneath those big metal shells, but he could see everything on his bike and he could avoid any sort of malfunctioning on it with just a quick glance. Who would want to drive when riding a bicycle offered a benefit like that?

Apollo's hair was drooping now. "Gee, Mr. Wright, I feel a lot better about this now."

 _Don't call my bluff if you don't want to hear the truth,_ Phoenix thought, feeling resigned. "Well, when Trucy stops the car, we could always stick something in the exhaust pipe to stop the car from running."

Apollo had honestly almost lauded the idea - maybe even _wanted_ to - but he'd quickly remembered that it was the exhaust pipe of _the chief prosecutor's car_ that his mentor was planning on sealing up. Even if the aforementioned highly esteemed chief prosecutor was an old friend of said mentor.

"Mr. Wright, it's great that you're trying to think of a way out of this, but I really don't think that'll glide over very well with Mr. Edgeworth."

"Yeah, he probably wouldn't want to relive the same event twice," Phoenix relented. "Although…"

 _It's not like someone's going to be murdered this time, so why not?_

"You're still thinking of doing it, aren't you?"

"Unless you have a better idea?"

The sleek and beautiful flaming death trap slowly circled its way around the deserted lot again as Apollo scoured the deep recesses of his mind for a solution that wouldn't get him and his fellow license-less mentor chewed out. _Deflate the tires? Nah, that'd probably get us in even more trouble than sealing off the exhaust pipe… Feign sickness and return to the office? No, Athena would call us out on it and never let us live it down… Especially me._

"W-Well, it's not like we have anything to clog the exhaust pipe with, right?" Apollo stuttered out, every nerve in his body telling him this was a bad idea. _But...I don't wanna drive that thing._

" _We_ don't have anything. Edgeworth's cravat on the other hand…"

Phoenix knew he was evil for even having such a thought, but he really didn't care at the moment. Edgeworth could probably afford a whole bunch of new tissues for his neck. The real question was how to get that cravat off of him… He looked towards the young man standing next to him thoughtfully.

Apollo glared. "Don't even think about it, Mr. Wright."

Before he could lie that he wasn't thinking about it, the car stopped in front of them and both he and Apollo jumped back in surprise. It wasn't _fast_ per se, but it made these...braking noises that were rather disconcerting. Apollo found himself sweating yet again and Phoenix was thanking whatever gods there were that he was still alive.

Then Trucy popped out of the car, bright and beaming. And reality set in.

"It was great, daddy! Mr. Edgeworth is a really good teacher!"

"O-oh, is that right…?" Phoenix half-wheezed, now finding it exceedingly difficult to breathe.

Edgeworth stepped out of the passenger seat, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he turned his harsh glance upon the two male attorneys. "Trucy did very well for her first lesson. If I expect either of you to do half as well as she did, would you agree that I've lowered my standards sufficiently?"

Apollo deflated at the jab and Phoenix bit back a retort. He had to keep telling himself that his old friend was doing him a favour. _He was doing him a favour…_ Of course, the Chief Prosecutor was probably right to lower his standards that far. If their terror at even setting foot in the vehicle was an indication of how horrible they were going to be in the driver's seat, he might need to lower it even more.

"Oh _ha ha_ , Edgeworth. Can't you hold off on your appraisals until one of us actually gets in the car? Athena wanted to go next anyway," Phoenix said informatively, a resigned glare all he could really muster right now.

"Is that so?" the prosecutor replied, raising an eyebrow. "Then why don't I see Miss Cykes anywhere?"

The three present Wright Anything Agency employees looked around simultaneously. True to his word, Athena was nowhere to be seen.

"It looks like someone else is going next," Edgeworth stated with a smirk.

Phoenix choked. "Uhm, well, A-Apollo…"

"Not a _chance_ , Mr. Wright."

"Fine…" the elder attorney sighed, resigning himself to his fate. For a minute, he almost considered pulling rank on Apollo, but that probably really wouldn't win him any points with his employees. Besides, most of the time he had as much authority as a chipmunk anyway. It was just really unfortunate that Athena hadn't returned in time.

Edgeworth stepped around to the passenger side, settling in quickly while Phoenix took his time moving into position. No need to rush to his death.

Stepping into the driver's seat wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. He thought he would feel a lot more terrified than he was actually feeling at the moment, but being in the front seat of a stationary vehicle was surprisingly not causing him to sweat through his suit yet. The seat felt a little cramped, but that was the extent of his current discomfort.

"Wright, close the door," Edgeworth commanded impatiently.

"Uh, right," Phoenix coughed, pulling the door shut and sealing himself inside the maroon killing machine.

 _And there's the sweat…_

"The first thing you're going to do is adjust the seat. There is a lever below the seat. If you pull it, you can move the seat forward and back," the prosecutor informed him. "You want to be far enough away from the pedals that you're comfortable, but close enough to adjust them with ease."

He reached down, grasping for the lever before pulling it and clicking the seat back a few levels. "Okay."

"Now adjust the mirrors on either side of the car by pressing the direction pad on your left. You'll want to move them enough that you can easily see the cars in the lane beside you," Edgeworth continued.

Phoenix curiously pressed on the direction pad and was dumbfounded the mirror electronically moved when his thumb touched an arrow. He and cars had never really gotten along, though he had ridden in them more than a few occasions for convenience, but that didn't mean he knew much about the weird doo-dads on the dashboard. Of course Edgeworth would have something as fancy as an electronically adjusting car. The man reeked of regality while Phoenix sat on his bicycle with his ten year old cell phone.

"I-I think that's alright," Phoenix announced reluctantly. He wasn't exactly confident right now.

"We're in an empty parking lot, Wright. If it's not perfect it's _fine,_ " Edgeworth growled, and Phoenix got the feeling that Edgeworth's tolerance for his nervousness was getting pretty low. "Now adjust the rear-view mirror so that you can see out the back window."

He did as commanded, but with less fuss this time. He might be 34 years old and constantly penalized in court, but he was still averse to being scolded by authority figures...or men in cravats. Actually, now that he thought about it, he hadn't met a prosecutor in his life that hadn't berated him for something he'd done in court. Apparently, the only difference here was the setting. And the fact that there was no way to win.

"Good. Put on your seatbelt and start the car."

He was definitely sweating through his suit now. Yes, there had to be big dark circles under his armpits. But he shouldn't be thinking about how ridiculously anxious he was right now. Phoenix kept his mouth shut, turned the key into the ignition and the machine sprang to life beneath him.

The vibrations of the car felt steady, steadier than he expected them to be. It was rather surprising, but it was almost like being in a gentle massage chair, and he liked _those_. The Goddess of the Law knew his back and shoulders could use one of those after a long day of bluffing his way through court. If he'd known this metal bucket was going to be so much less violent than he'd anticipated, he wouldn't have fretted as much. Yeah, there was no need to be freaking himself out now. He just had to think about this thing like a chair. It was like driving a big massage chair.

Phoenix nodded in determination, shifting the gear from park as he recalled the contents of the learner's manual. Yeah, he could do this! He was Phoenix Wright, Ace Student Driver! If he could push the pedal to the metal in the courtroom, then he could do the same in the car!

He slammed on the pedal and the car lurched backwards faster than Oldbag's monologues. Then he felt something deep inside of him stir as the vehicle accelerated in the wrong direction. Probably regret. _A lot_ of regret. Why, oh _why_ hadn't he double-checked the gear?

Beside him, Edgeworth's hands were glued to the dashboard as they went hurtling backwards. "WRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

His life flashed before his eyes. Mia, Maya, Pearls, Trucy… His life had definitely been run by women. Mia, his mentor, so smart and encouraging; soon he would join her in the afterlife. That probably wouldn't be too bad. He wondered what she would do in this situation.

' _Phoenix, you idiot! Use the brakes!'_

 _Right! Right! The brakes!_

His foot found the other pedal easily enough and the car screeched to a stop, leaving the defense attorney panting in relief as he clutched the steering wheel in a death-grip. Oh, thank the Feys. He was never letting his foot off this pedal again.

"Wright," Edgeworth started beside him in a shaky voice, hands slowly slipping off the dashboard and onto the door handle. Phoenix was a little afraid to look him in the eye. "First, I am going to vomit. Then I am going to kill you."

Stupid driving lessons. He knew nothing good would come of them.

* * *

The moment Phoenix stepped out of the car and handed him the keys, Apollo wanted to throw himself in a ditch. The man had looked like he'd just come back from a war and saw things so horrible that he would never be the same again. His eyes had been a haunted abyss that Apollo could only assume would be a reflection of his own soon enough. He'd cursed Athena for running away. Had she run to the moon or something?

Things only got worse when Phoenix had grasped his shoulders and whispered a warning: "That pedal is a highway..."

"What?"

"...to the danger zone…"

Fifteen minutes ago, Apollo had been wondering what the heck that even meant. Although he still wasn't entirely sure where such a statement even came from, he was getting the idea of the meaning behind it now that he was behind the steering wheel. The word "danger" just continuously blared in his mind and there were mental red lights flashing everywhere. Okay, maybe that was just the reflection of his vest in the mirrors, but he'd seen what this vehicle could do with his boss at the wheel. The screams had been audible enough. This thing could fly off the handle with the smallest of touches to the pedals. So he was being careful. Super, super careful.

"Mr. Justice, do you enjoy sightseeing?" his instructor asked from the next seat.

"Uh, well, I guess I don't mind it, Mr. Edgeworth. Why do you ask?" Apollo questioned in return, scrutinizing the patch of road ahead of them.

"Because you continue to look around while we go absolutely nowhere!"

Apollo winced. Oh man, now he had the Chief Prosecutor snapping at him even though he was going as fast as he felt was safe. His foot was just very slightly (at least, by his own perception) pressing down on the gas pedal and he was doing his best not to press it any harder than necessary. He definitely wasn't despite Edgeworth surprisingly encouraging him to.

 _Doesn't Mr. Edgeworth want to drive safely? I never pegged him for a thrill-seeker._

"Mr. Justice, you're going seven miles per hour," the prosecutor pointed out in a rather cross tone of voice.

"I'm comfortable at this speed," Apollo defended himself as he continued to concentrate on where he was going. The line of that last parking stall was steadily getting closer and he was bracing himself for the turn. He'd probably make it there in the next ten seconds. His heart was speeding up just anticipating it.

Edgeworth sighed in resignation. He had looked rather pale after getting out the car with Phoenix, then excused himself for a few moments before coming back and sending the darkest death glare Apollo had ever witnessed the Chief Prosecutor ever give. As long as he didn't almost kill his mentor's best friend, Apollo figured he was in the clear from landing on the receiving end of one of those. There was absolutely no way he could make a horrible mistake when he was so prepared for this turn!

Unexpectedly, a motorcycle came up to the intersection of the parking lot at the same time. Oh god, he had anticipated the turn, but not what he should do if another vehicle was there. Was he supposed to let the motorcycle by? Was the motorcycle supposed to let _him_ by? Apollo was at a mental impasse in his decision-making and so automatically stepped on the brake.

"I-I thought this was an empty parking lot!" Apollo choked, his hands dripping so intensely that he was certain they were going to slip off the wheel. The motorcycle had stopped at the intersection at well, but its simple presence was making him nervous.

Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "Just make the turn, Justice."

Breathing in deeply, he made the turn at an anxious crawl. He almost felt relief, _almost_ , when the motorcycle parked in a spot behind them, but then the motorcyclist came walking up beside them, effectively scaring the crap out of Apollo. Apollo did his best to keep his eyes forward. Maybe if he didn't look at this...thug, the guy wouldn't bother them. It didn't help that the windows were open either.

"Ah, HerrForehead! What are you doing driving a car?"

Oh hell no.

"Good afternoon, Prosecutor Gavin," Edgeworth greeted the former rockstar.

"Chefanklägerin Edgeworth! Good afternoon to you as well!"

Apollo grumbled irritably under his breath as the car drifted forward as the two prosecutors exchanged pleasantries over him. It was even more annoying that Klavier's strides seemed to be keeping in perfect sync with the car, like a bug he couldn't drive fast enough to shake off the windshield. Seven miles per hour should be plenty fast enough!

His hands tightened around the wheel. Whether out of fear, annoyance, or a mix of both, Apollo couldn't decide. Everything had been going well, even if he felt like he was sweating a litre a second and the Chief Prosecutor seemed slightly vexed at his sluggish pace, but at least he hadn't almost killed him like Mr. Wright, right? That was good, as good as it was going to get being stuck inside a bloodstained vehicle of destruction that he was forced into against his will. He'd count his blessings when he could.

But as the car continued to roll forward, Klavier kept pace with it and Apollo began to unhinge. Everything was fine until Mr. Ex-Rockstar "Glimmerous Fop" showed up on his hog. That thing about life being like a box of chocolates was a lie; life was not like a box of chocolates. It was like a being a defense attorney in a murder trial. And right now, Prosecutor Gavin was like an unexpected, updated autopsy report that the prosecution loved to whip out to effectively blow holes in his argument and ruin his day. Things just loved to take a turn (... _ha ha_ ) for the worse.

Oh, that wasn't a good sign. His sarcastic method of coping had initiated.

"I had no idea the Chief Prosecutor gave driving lessons to lawyers in his free time," remarked Klavier, speaking as if he was out on a morning stroll as Apollo sat rigidly in the seat, staring intently out the windshield. _Ignore him, Justice. Just focus on driving._

"I don't," Edgeworth corrected, readjusting his glasses. "This was Wright's idea, not mine."

"Ah, Herr Wright? I saw him sitting on the curb over there," the prosecutor explained, gesturing behind him. "He asked me if I ever saw my life flash before my eyes while driving."

Edgeworth's irritated sigh didn't go by unnoticed as Apollo mentally prayed for Phoenix's sanity to stay intact while wishing Athena would hurry the hell back so he could end his foray into the hells of driving and escape unscathed while he still could, unlike his boss.

"Herr Forehead, you'll be impeding traffic at the rate you're going," Klavier advised, amused. Apollo wondered why in the Scales of Justice the windows of the car weren't rolled up. Or better yet, why Edgeworth's windows weren't made of one-way glass.

Apollo applied the brake.

"Um, Prosecutor Gavin, don't you have places to be?" asked the attorney, hoping he would just hop on his motorcycle and leave. What kind of parking lot was this? Wasn't it supposed to be deserted, void of life and far away from the watchful eyes of humanity? "Cases to follow? Trials to prosecute?"

"Fortunately, the common criminals of our town seem to be holding off on murder for today," the young prosecutor replied without missing a beat as he stopped with them. His smile was so bright that Apollo suddenly understood _exactly_ what Ema meant by "glimmerous." "As for your initial question, I'm right where I need to be. The music store is just across the street."

"Working on some new music, Gavin?" Edgeworth inquired casually from the passenger's side. "I did very much enjoy your last acoustic album. Very soothing."

Apollo turned briefly to look at the Chief Prosecutor, mouth flapping without words. Even the legendary Demon Prosecutor liked Klavier's overly loud music? Now he was really alone. He almost wished Ema and her scalding sarcasm - which she reserved for use against Klavier - were around just so he could have an ally. Of course, he _did_ have The Guitar's Serenade as his ringtone, but that was just because Lamiroir had a really nice voice. He didn't find the tune catchy and soothing at all. Nope. Definitely not.

"In that case, I will set aside a CD for you when I release my new album," Klavier replied as though he were old friends with Edgeworth just like Phoenix. Apollo couldn't believe that he was the one who seemed to be in the most hot water with the Chief Prosecutor. Phoenix might seem like he was, but he had the advantage of knowing Edgeworth as a child. Klavier was a fellow prosecutor, in spite of how showy he was. Apollo? He was just a poor defense attorney who worked at the Wright Anything Agency and did his best not to kill anyone while driving. Apparently, that didn't earn him any points with the Chief Prosecutor.

"Didn't you say you were going to the music store?" Apollo muttered, attempting to disguise his sulking.

Klavier wasn't even fazed. "Trying to get rid of me so soon, Herr Forehead? But you are serving as excellent inspiration for me!" The prosecutor cleared his throat and began to warble a tune, " _Falling, falling slowly for you. I've got a revelation of our destination and I'm on my way with you. Seven...seven miles an hour…_ "

Edgeworth bobbed his head slightly to the tune and Apollo suddenly realized that he didn't need a car to commit murder. The man had taken his mocking too far.

"I think a good title would be 'Love at Seven Miles an Hour.' What do you think, Herr Forehead?"

The onslaught of sarcasm that usually lived internally was too much to hold back this time. "I _think_ that _some prosecutors_ should rethink their musical choices."

To Apollo's annoyance, Klavier only began to laugh. Unfortunately, there was another response from the seat beside his.

"Are you judging my musical preferences, Mr. Justice?" the Chief Prosecutor asked shortly, his arms crossed. While Edgeworth was just another servant of the law, he looked and sounded regal enough to be a prince, which was probably why Apollo felt like a peasant under his driving instructor's scrutiny. "So what if I were to say, for instance, that I enjoy the original Steel Samurai soundtrack?"

He was so taken off-guard by the declaration that he missed three attempts to grab the stick shift before pulling it into park. He was certain to let the vehicle fly out of control if he tried to drive right now. Was this how witnesses felt when they were being grilled on the stand? His throat and chest felt tight, his mouth dry and palms clammy with cold sweat. He was panicking; there was no way he could pull off a convincing lie in front of the Demon Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth.

"Um...I think the Jammin' Ninja soundtrack is better?" was all Apollo could think to say sheepishly, because that was the truth.

The truth and the _wrong_ thing to say. Edgeworth's visage darkened visibly and Klavier backed away from the door. Apollo swallowed.

He was most definitely not fine.

* * *

"Wow, what happened to you?" Athena asked, blinking at Apollo as he dragged his corpse away from the parked car.

 _I cracked. That's what happened,_ Apollo thought, a shell of the steel-chorded man he had once been. Edgeworth had pressed him and he'd folded like a cheap polyester suit. How was he supposed to know that Edgeworth was a huge fan of the Steel Samurai?

Trucy was a few meters off, now excitedly chatting and taking photos with the blond bane of his existence. He could feel the eyes of his younger coworker following him as he shrunk down onto the curb beside Phoenix. She seemed more concerned about him than she did about getting into the car, which, in Apollo's opinion, was a big mistake-although, honestly, Apollo wasn't sure who or what was to blame for the traumatizing experience he had just been through. All he knew was that the world didn't make a whole lot of sense and he was getting punished for thinking it _should._

"Don't do it, Athena," he advised weakly. It was all he could do to save the last of the practicing attorneys at the Wright Anything Agency. "Don't get into that car."

She eyed him quizzically. "Why not? It seems fun and looks easy!"

"Mr. Wright, _help_ ," he pleaded his mentor.

Phoenix spun and grasped Apollo's shoulders, a crazed look in his eyes. "Apollo, when I'm gone, the only lesson I really hope you remember is to _use the brakes._ Do you understand?"

"No, I _don't_ understand!" Apollo shouted in frustration, partly because his boss was acting like a nutjob and partly because he _had_ used the brakes and yet somehow still ended up in this terrible situation.

"Apollo, just calm down," his coworker placated him with a smile.

" _You're so dramatic!_ " Widget chirped from around her neck, not comforting in the least.

Athena grinned, posing with a peace sign. "Don't worry, I'll fix you both right up! Once you see how a novice like me can handle a car like a pro, you'll forget all about how scared you are!"

"Use the brakes…" Phoenix echoed once again.

"Oh, I intend to," she cackled in response as she rubbed her hands together in anticipation. She skipped over to the car with a " _Los geht's!"_ and left Apollo reaching after her in horror. Nothing good could come of this. _Nothing_.

Athena jumped into the driver's seat without waiting for Edgeworth's invitation, although Apollo was certain the prosecutor was still stewing over the horrible day he was having.

 _I guess that's one thing we actually_ _ **do**_ _have in common._

The car was in motion within a couple of minutes and his eyes followed it carefully, just waiting for something to go wrong. However, to his amazement, the car continued on with no issue whatsoever. It was even going faster than Trucy had been going and was speeding up with no problem.

"Mr. Wright, she's doing it!" Apollo said, grasping his mentor's shoulder in a mixture of nerves and excitement.

For the first time since he'd gotten out of the car, Phoenix looked up in hope. Someone besides Trucy would finally survive the car, redeeming the skills and alleviating the fears of all defense attorneys present. Bikes would always be a better choice, but just proving that a defense attorney could control that rolling suicide trap just as well as any other person despite being at the bench that had "kick me" and "flying by the seat of my pants" written all over it showed that not all of them were doomed to fail driving lessons. Not all of them were condemned to suffer through life traumatized by a vehicle. After all, Phoenix had already been hit by one car and had recently almost just died in another.

Athena… He'd always known she was destined for great things. He was so happy at her success, so proud. His own daughter had excelled at the driving lessons, but she didn't have the same terrible luck all defense attorneys seemed to be cursed with. This had to be a miracle, especially since Athena had a greater affinity for destruction than both him and Apollo combined. Still, no matter how many times he blinked, his eyes saw a car that was in control at a relatively high speed for an empty parking lot.

"Wow, and she's going so fast," Apollo marveled, his mouth hanging open as he got to his feet. Of course, his top speed today had been eleven miles per hour, so he was pretty much floored by any moderate speed.

Phoenix nodded in agreement, standing up to get a better look at the scene as well. "She's going very fast. She's…" The car, a decent distance away from them, suddenly made a terrible screeching noise as the back wheels stopped spinning, smoke kicking up from the burning rubber. The excitement he'd been feeling vanished as fast as the stone that dropped into his stomach. It was like a scene from a car movie series with too many sequels except he realized in his shock that this was actually real life. "She's _drifting._ "

" _Drifting?_ " Apollo shouted in disbelief, his head whipping back and forth between the fast approaching car and his mentor.

"Towards _us!_ " He shoved Apollo in the other direction to get him to run, then sprinted over to his daughter and Klavier to get them out of the way too.

The car was spinning around the parking lot wildly as he crashed into Trucy and the young prosecutor, the latter letting out a few stunned "Ach!"s while he desperately ferried them to the side. The wheels shrieked against the ground just as the vehicle swept over the area they'd been standing, but even as he was watching it, Phoenix just couldn't believe his eyes. Everything was happening so fast. He saw the car slide sideways again before the sound of metal crunching made them all crouch and instinctively cover their heads, cringing in fear.

Then...silence.

Apollo was the first to stand, letting his arms down from above his head only for his eyes to land on the stopped smoking wheels of the chief prosecutor's vehicle. From the front, it looked relatively untouched, to his relief, meaning both Athena and Edgeworth were probably fine, but his face scrunched in concentration as he wondered exactly what that sound of colliding metal had been.

"My hog!" Klavier yelled in devastation as he abandoned the area of safety to run over to the scene of the crash. Apollo winced as he spotted the dented motorcycle lying on the ground, little pieces of it strewn across the cement. Even if Klavier and his motorcycle annoyed the hell of him sometimes, he hadn't wished anything bad upon either of them-although, honestly, it was hard to muster up any sort of empathy for the arrogant prosecutor.

Meanwhile, Edgeworth dragged himself out of the passenger's seat, looking much like Phoenix had earlier after his own period at the wheel. He promptly sat on the ground with his knees drawn into his chest and put his head down as if he was about to faint. At the same time, Athena emerged from driver's side, stretching her arms out overhead with a cheerful grin.

"How'zat for using the brakes?" the redhead beamed triumphantly at her boss and senior co-worker, a satisfied look on her face that said she was _completely_ unaware of all the collateral damage— _destruction—_ she'd just caused. "Just like in the movies, right? I always wanted to try it!"

 _Oh my god._

Apollo and Phoenix's eyes darted from the proud Athena staring at the skid marks she'd made, to Edgeworth curled up on the curb, to Klavier crying about his poor motorcycle. It was as though they were standing in the middle of Hell, just narrowly avoiding all the punishment that had occurred around them.

Trucy was the one to break his stupor, posing the million dollar question. "Daddy…" she started nervously, "...we're not liable for all this damage, are we?"

Phoenix was barely able to keep himself from falling into a panic as he fiddled with the bottom edge of his suit jacket. "Of-of course not," he replied firmly, if not for the stutter in his speech.

Apollo looked at his boss in absolute dread as the bracelet on his wrist tightened.

* * *

As it turned out, they were _not_ liable for the damages to Edgeworth's car because as the supervising driver, the chief prosecutor was responsible for the person learning to drive his car. Even worse, Edgeworth was _also_ liable for the damage to Klavier's motorcycle as it had been parked at the time.

Needless to say, there were very few people who were happy with Athena.

"I can't do this anymo-o-o-re!" the rookie defense attorney quite literally cried from the washroom.

Apollo briefly glanced up from his desk towards the noise. His younger coworker was really ruining his concentration in reading the new chapter of _Igiari!_ , which was by far his favourite manga. He was just getting to the climax of the story arc too! Still, with Athena assigned to office cleaning duty for the next six months, he didn't believe he was ever going to get to peacefully enjoy his manga again. It'd only been two weeks and she was already falling apart from having to do chores.

"Pipe down, will you? Cleaning the toilet's not _that_ bad," the male attorney called back. "You haven't even snaked the drain in the sink this month yet."

" _Snake the drain?_ " came her horrified response, although Apollo couldn't see what the big deal was. Most of what clogged up the sink was _her_ hair anyway.

He was ready to fire off a snarky reply when he was distracted by Trucy and her father walking through the door. Phoenix looked terrible, possibly even worse than he had after their first driving lesson. At the same time, Trucy practically floated in, brandishing a shiny new plastic card with her face on it.

"Ta-da! Guess who just got her license."

"Oh. Congrats," Apollo almost deadpanned as Athena came flying out of the washroom. Anything to get away from the cleaning.

Trucy pouted. "Can't you be a bit more excited? I passed with flying colours."

"Congrats, Trucy! You're a natural behind the wheel," beamed Athena, marveling at the newly-minted license.

"Not to rain on your parade or anything," Apollo interjected as he peered up from his manga, "but you don't even have a car yet. We couldn't even make you our chauffeur if we wanted to."

Trucy crossed her arms triumphantly. "Not to worry, I'm already saving up for one. And when I do get one, you'll practically be _begging_ me to drive you around."

Apollo doubted that. He was very much a bikes and trains type of guy, especially after that ordeal. Edgeworth's icy stare could have frozen the Earth a hundred times over that day; it even rendered Athena's usual pep a pathetic squeak as he chewed Phoenix out despite Athena causing most of the damage. If his boss could still stand being around cars after that incident, his soul had surely left his body when Edgeworth declared they wouldn't be getting out of the mess scot-free: the agency would be reimbursing him for the repair bills.

"Hot Cross Buns…" Phoenix muttered in his stupor as he wandered towards the kitchen without acknowledging any of them. "Chopsticks… Happy Song…"

When both Apollo and Athena shot puzzled looks at Trucy, she glanced after her father worriedly. "He's going to take up piano again to help pay off some of the damages."

"I guess we should all try to help out," said Apollo, though he looked pointedly at his coworker.

Athena wrinkled her nose. "H-hey! Don't look at me like that! I was doing just fine until Prosecutor Gavin's motorcycle appeared out of nowhere."

"You say that like it was _small._ "

"Well, it wasn't _big_ ," she retorted petulantly. She tossed the rubber cleaning gloves on the ground and slumped down on Apollo's desk. "Of course I'll do my part too. I'm just not sure what I can do to help out."

"You could clean," Apollo suggested dryly.

"How about mini therapy sessions?" Trucy said, both females ignoring their male counterpart. "We could set up a table in the park and charge a couple dollars for 15 minutes."

"Ooh, that would give Widget and I some extra practice too!" Athena responded eagerly.

" _It'll be a workout!_ " Widget added.

Apollo returned his attention back to his comic with the reassurance that he wouldn't be disturbed by the two of them any longer. However, when he sensed that Athena wasn't about to budge from his table, he glanced back up uneasily. "Weren't you two going to head out?"

"Don't be silly, Polly! We aren't going anywhere without you. Someone needs to carry the table!" Trucy told him as she rocked back on her heels cheerfully.

His hair drooped. "Can't you just put it in your panties?"

"And you need to be my first customer so people can see I know what I'm doing!" Athena replied, hopping off his desk to try and yank him out of his seat.

"Athena, wait a se— _GAH!_ " With alarming force, Apollo was thrust to his feet and escorted towards the door. Before he could even figure out what was happening, Trucy pushed a small foldable table into his hands. His head moved back and forth rapidly, wondering how he'd gotten into this position.

It was then that Phoenix wandered back into the room, still lost in his own little world. His arms were bent at the elbow with his fingers moving, as if playing on an imaginary keyboard. "One a penny, two a penny…"

Apollo didn't get to see any more of his mentor's odd behaviour because he was shoved out the door by Trucy and Athena. He walked in silence behind them as they discussed the different cars that Trucy might get. He had too many thoughts running through his head.

His life had been largely influenced by men; Dhurke, Clay, Mr. Gavin...his current mentor was Mr. Wright. Yet somehow, two women who weren't even in their 20s were giving him orders. Those same two women had been both the reason for their driving lesson and the subsequent crash, and the result was Phoenix singing Hot Cross Buns in the office like a broken music box. Now they were dragging Apollo to the park where Athena would likely dig up some humiliating information from him under the guise of therapy and Trucy would traumatize by using him as a prop in her magic tricks. Evidently, Apollo was following in the footsteps of his mentor perfectly.

Just outside the entrance of the park, Apollo spotted a black vehicle from one of those car share services. He stared at it longingly. How easy would it be just to take off in one of those?

It was too bad he didn't know how to drive.


End file.
